Friday, September 11, 2009

These small hours

This is just about the most hectic time of year. I tend to get overwhelmed frequently. But is different, thanks to a brief moment of clarity. And I hope the way I feel right now, this very moment, will spill into tomorrow and next week and next month and on and on.

I've been having a bout of vertigo this week. My very first episode of vertigo came just two days after 9-11-01. At the time, I was certain my symptoms were the result of undetected biological warfare (apparently I was wrong). Anyway, if you've never had true vertigo before, count yourself lucky. Every turn of the head either sends you running to the toilet or wishing that you had. The dizziness is insane. No driving, no dancing, no walking, and no carrying around a baby if at all possible.

So today, in the early hours of this morning, I'm feeling very dizzy and am not sure what to do with myself. I'm laying on our tiny couch in the guest bedroom while we watch the movie Meet the Robinsons (one of my all-time favorites!). My daughter is on the bed a few feet away talking about inventions and I'm grinning because she keeps calling me 'Daddy.' My oldest son has squeezed himself on the couch behind me and he's gently hugging my entire head, so sweetly, while my youngest is standing on the floor by the couch holding my shirt up and nursing. I gingerly look down, so as not to affect my equilibrium, and up beams his big, glossy, grinning blue eyes at me while his plump cheeks slowly appear on either side of my breast. Bubbly giggles erupt instantly. OH MY. I'm so overwhelmed with bliss and so completely aware that my heart is now pumping warm, gooshy, delightful love to every extremity of my body. Whoa...this is MY life. All of's all part of MY story. Even with vertigo, it's more than I ever imagined.

And all around me things begin to look different.

And I'm no longer feeling sorry for myself due to vertigo.

Because, WOW. Just look at my good fortune.

For a brief moment, I wish so badly that I could climb off the couch, grab the camera, and document this moment before it disappears. Will there be more of these small hours? Of course there will. But this moment of clarity seems different from the rest.

Everything in my past:

    My mistakes,

    my joys,

    my regrets,

    and my accomplishments...

every bit of it led to this precise moment of pure joy. And nothing matters right now except for these precious little beings who are so happy, so content, and so amazingly beautiful.

Then, in "happily ever after" style, the song at the end of our movie begins during the final scenes. I've heard it countless times before, but today I really listened to it and it spoke to me.

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But I can not forget
The way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain.

For my birthday, the last day of September, I've committed to not blogging at all during this whole month. It's a gift to my family and myself -- allowing me more time to enjoy these little wonders during such a crazy, busy time of the year. I'm okay. Actually, I'm better than okay. And I plan to be back to reading and writing blogs some time after my birthday.

Happy "small hours" to you and yours!

Please click ♥ thoughtful comments ♥ (below) to let me know you stopped by (or fill out the comment form at the very bottom). If you don't have a google or gmail account, just choose "Name/URL" or "anonymous" before submitting. THANK YOU!

21 ♥ thoughtful comments ♥:

Bonnie said...

Happy birth day day at a time....rejoice in your life.

Laureen said...

Aw man! I'm all choked up now. You rock, Shaye. Thanks for the reminder.

Stephanie said...

Thanks for the tears of sentiment and for the beautiful reminder of what we have as mommies. And also for recognizing the incredible value of the SAHM and the pure joy and light that is our children. What a bright light you are in my day! Thank you!!!

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

I had wondered why we hadn't heard from you! ♥
Praying that vertigo ends.
Loving you.
Boomer's FLASH 55</a

Dr. Wifey said...

great post. you reminded me to look at the small (and LARGE) blessings in my life :) see you next month! oh, and Happy birthday

Michelle M. said...

What a great post. I hope you enjoy the rest of the your month off and have a happy birthday!!

septembermom said...

Thank you so much for reminding me of all the beauty within my day. Hugs my friend!

sujata said...

Have a great a break sweets and get back recharged and rejuvenatede. I totally love your youngest boy, hes so cute when he feeds himself, very bonded to you all your kids are. Enjoy this break with them, nothing comes first!!my id

leah said...

So true! I linked to this on my blog.

Trish said...

What a beautiful song, and a great reminder to cherish what we have now. I hope that you are feeling better soon.

I also wanted to let you know you have a blogging award at my place!

Anonymous said...

i found your post from a link from a blog, from a blog, from a friend's blog :-)

i "discovered" that song a year or so ago and listen to it in the shower, because it has that same impact on me as a mother, to remind me to cherish all those precious moments. enjoy your birthday month!

Mama Nut said...

I want to print this post out, enlarge it, frame it, and hang it on every wall in my house! I think the Lord is very merciful to give us these moments of pure clarity and overflowing love and gratitude for our roles as mothers and women. I know they slip away sometimes but how wonderful it is when we are awash in the moment! Thanks, Shaye, for sharing! Our birthdays are close together...mine is in the first week of October! Happy birthday to you! (HUGS)

Amy @ Six Flower Mom said...

I to have been away but am getting back ... I really like this post. These small hours are so precious! A magical day to you ... and in case I forget Happy Birthday!

Lori said...

Hello to you sweet lady,
Its been too long, life got in my way. I wanted to let you know I was here visiting and you are amazing. Hope you have a great weekend.
Hugs to you.

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

Hey, dear. I see you and I are both falling off the blogging wagon lately. Tuesday is YOUR day. Nothing is in the mail yet, but you'll know I'll be thinking of you all day with the greatest pride a mama could have in a daughter.

Whimsical Creations said...

Happy Birthday!!

Sarahlcc said...

Happy Birthday and happy blogging break! I'll look forward to your return, and pray your vertigo diminishes.

Herb of Grace said...

I've missed you! Hope you're feeling much better and almost ready to come back to the blogging world :)

Maisie said...

Hey Shaye, I always love reading what you write. Speaks to my heart. Funny how we seem so different from each other and yet when I read what you write, it really strikes a chord with my own heart. Anyway, thank you.

2Shaye ♪♫ said...

Your comments continue to bless me. I'm so glad that we have such a strong community of bloggers who visit one another, support each other, and take time to voice joys and concerns. You all are such an encouragement to me every single day. I am on my way back to blogland, so I hope to see more of you very soon.

By the way, our home birth journey (in a nutshell) was published just today in honor of National Midwifery Week. Hop on over if you have a spare moment:



Margaret said...

Would you believe I've never seen that movie? However, I love that song. This morning it just happened to play on the radio in the car after I had dropped off one kid at school. The other kid has been having a rough week, and I've been struggling with a lot of stuff around that. The song made me tear up a little, and it made me think of your post (thanks to Laureen, I read it back when you first posted it but didn't comment) - I just had to come back and read it again. Thank you.

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